I can’t do anything, no matter what I do someone is let down; someone is disappointed. I just don’t know what I can do anymore. Everything is just getting to be so much. I just want to disappear, I wish that I could just be invisible, just for a little bit. So I could have the ability to see if anyone actually missed me, or if life would simple continue. Without change, without a care.

However I’m aware that people would miss me, but I don’t understand. I wish that someone could explain why life is so important. Why it is so necessary to live, and experience. I cannot see a reason why. I cannot find a solid reason that can support the idea of living. Because no matter you do with your life, you will die. It is inevitable, you cannot cheat death. And for some asinine reason, all I can think of is the Death Hallows in Harry Potter. A reasonable connection would be the case of Harry having all of the Hallows, he was the “master” of death. However, in the case of Harry Potter, never once does he choose to cheat death. He could have, he could have ran from the fate that was bestow on him since birth. Yet he greets death as though it is nothing. There is no fear, there is no regrets. Harry Potter, simply chooses to do what is right. To allow himself to die in the honour of Wizarding World. 

I would like to believe that the idea of Harry Potter, or well J.K Rowling character and possibly her shared belief that life is trivial.  That what we do in our lives has no real impact on the world. Yes, in the sense of development and destruction of the world, human life unfortunately matters. However, human life as a whole as no real meaning. We are born, we live pitiful lives where most people lie and cheat and pretend that they are happy, and then the grand finale comes, we die. And everything in life that you lived for is thrown away. There is nothing more for you. 

Although, the churches, history, temples, and crazies, and any other random form of religious preaching wish for people to believe in something more. However, the only reason that I can understand from this ridiculous idea, is that people are just scared of the blackness. Everyone, and I mean everything, atheists and all, want to believe that there could be more. People may say that they could never believe in Heaven and Hell, Paradise, Nirvana, a tree, or any other beliefs but they still are scared and part of them does want to believe in something. Because no one wants to accept the fact when you die its done. There is nothing, everything you lived for does not matter. 

Think about those days when you wake up and you cannot remember any dreams, and you even wonder if you had dreams at all. Well that feeling, that is what death is, it is blank, you do not feel because you do not exist. I realize that seems to be a terrifying thought. How could death just be blank, well my dear friend it is.  That is what there is to expect, you live and then you disappear.  So I guess the beginning of my pointless ranting somehow connects. I do not see why it is necessary for me to have to try so hard to impress the people around me, because in the end it does not matter. No one will remember those times that I fucked up. We all die, we all disappear into nothing. I am nothing, humans are nothing, but no one will accepted that, because humans are naive and foolish.